The Perfect Episode of the Wild Wild West

As I prepare myself for the 3-day DVD binge that is the second season of The Wild, Wild, West, I reflect on what made this series so great. No, not crisp dialogue, socially important plotlines, or death defying cliffhangers, but rather the random monkey assaults, radioactive apes, and crazed Portuguese Pirates that lit up our screens and our imaginations. After viewing the entire series more than once (one time in a period of 2 weeks), I can safely boil down the great episodes by a simple 9 step formula. On a scale from 1-5 (least to greatest) or Y/N, you can use this system to rate the perfect episode.

1.) The Guest Star Power. ____ Whether it was Ed Asner as a crazed bio terrorist or Ricardo Montalban as a time travelling Confederate General, the guest stars can really boost the AR (Awesome Rating) of an episode.
2.) Drugging Y/N Often a tool to subdue or capture James West, whether by injection or ingestion, drugs and tranquilizers always are present in the great episodes.
3.) Paper Thin Female Characters ____ Usually if not always at the end of the episode, often seen as nothing more than a celebration for James West's victory.
4.) Midgets/Deformed Villains _____ Everyone knows of the midget mastermind Dr. Loveless, but we can't forget our other less fortunate fiends, like the enormous noggin of Tycho, or the metal feet of a French bruiser stealing Plutonium, or the steam powered wheelchair riding villain who has a supercomputer under Colorado, or the gargantuan Voltaire, sidekick of Loveless.
5.) Random Cowhand Attacks _____ Yup, the random, batman-style fist fights. You know whenever James West walks out of a saloon and you see more than one guy pacing along a sidewalk and the camera is extra wide, there's gonna be trouble! Always look like moron cowhands on the end of a cattle drive, never polished assasins, every great episode has at least one of these random brawls.
6.) Ridiculous Gadgets _____ Examples include the exploding belt buckle, the bulletproof 'vest' (literally a formal vest made of metal), the blade in the boot, the heart stopping pill that doesn't kill you, etc.
7.) Ridiculous Premise _____ Whether its robot clones of James West blowing themselves up at important meetings or trained monkeys assasinating bankers, you are sure to be captivated by what they could get away with and still be classified as a drama.
8.) Impossible Escapes ____ Not "Did he just do that!?", but more like "Did they just write that!?", the resolutions to the commercial break cliffhangers can be wild and crazy at times, like when James West was clearly shot point blank in the chest several times, he explained it away saying "She wasn't that great of a shot"
9.) Anything else that makes you go "I don't believe I just saw that".
In this cynical age of blogs, iPods, and fax machines, its good to know that there is still mindless, violent entertainment out there that quenches all amusement thirsts.