Film Festival Poll

Here is the poll for the Film Festival. Choose wisely!

That Green M&M

I am often disturbed by television and its attendant advertisements, but I find that Green M&M particularly disturbing. She doesn’t melt in your mouth, or your hand, she melts on your screen! That filthy little tartlet must make her past boyfriends green with jealousy. What past boyfriends you ask? Well have a look and see:





Many quesiton whether the above image was faked. Bear Grylls denies everything, but Discovery channel immediately pulled the program and edited it for weeks. It is uncelar what this signifies....





Apparently the 'Green' was able to do what so many others couldn't: captivate a Time Lord. Travelling through space and time with a piece of candy exhibiting feminine behaviors is actually more normal than some of Who's other companions, such as Captain Jack.




Clearly the Time Lord's time was up--she moved on to Solid Snake! It doesn't look like he took the bait....




...But Bauer did! It must have been those years of torture and sacrifice for the United States. We can stll hope JB was just on a sting operation, but it doesn't look good. However, the scarily bad editing gives us reason to hope.


Dear readers, if the above did not disturb you, or if it did, you may feel free to snurch the following wallpaper:

http://s10.photobucket.com/albums/a122/Bigboy_Caprice/?action=view&current=drwhogreenmm-1.jpg

Granted, the above wallpaper is about the size of a postage stamp, but any more visiblity might result in unwanted questions from concerned loved ones, or parole officers.










Watch this space for some upcoming reviews. I am currently penning a review for the Tim Allen gem: "The Shaggy Dog" and there will undoubtedly be some Bronson film reviews cropping up soon.


Royal

The Perfect Episode of the Wild Wild West

As I prepare myself for the 3-day DVD binge that is the second season of The Wild, Wild, West, I reflect on what made this series so great. No, not crisp dialogue, socially important plotlines, or death defying cliffhangers, but rather the random monkey assaults, radioactive apes, and crazed Portuguese Pirates that lit up our screens and our imaginations. After viewing the entire series more than once (one time in a period of 2 weeks), I can safely boil down the great episodes by a simple 9 step formula. On a scale from 1-5 (least to greatest) or Y/N, you can use this system to rate the perfect episode.

1.) The Guest Star Power. ____ Whether it was Ed Asner as a crazed bio terrorist or Ricardo Montalban as a time travelling Confederate General, the guest stars can really boost the AR (Awesome Rating) of an episode.
2.) Drugging Y/N Often a tool to subdue or capture James West, whether by injection or ingestion, drugs and tranquilizers always are present in the great episodes.
3.) Paper Thin Female Characters ____ Usually if not always at the end of the episode, often seen as nothing more than a celebration for James West's victory.
4.) Midgets/Deformed Villains _____ Everyone knows of the midget mastermind Dr. Loveless, but we can't forget our other less fortunate fiends, like the enormous noggin of Tycho, or the metal feet of a French bruiser stealing Plutonium, or the steam powered wheelchair riding villain who has a supercomputer under Colorado, or the gargantuan Voltaire, sidekick of Loveless.
5.) Random Cowhand Attacks _____ Yup, the random, batman-style fist fights. You know whenever James West walks out of a saloon and you see more than one guy pacing along a sidewalk and the camera is extra wide, there's gonna be trouble! Always look like moron cowhands on the end of a cattle drive, never polished assasins, every great episode has at least one of these random brawls.
6.) Ridiculous Gadgets _____ Examples include the exploding belt buckle, the bulletproof 'vest' (literally a formal vest made of metal), the blade in the boot, the heart stopping pill that doesn't kill you, etc.
7.) Ridiculous Premise _____ Whether its robot clones of James West blowing themselves up at important meetings or trained monkeys assasinating bankers, you are sure to be captivated by what they could get away with and still be classified as a drama.
8.) Impossible Escapes ____ Not "Did he just do that!?", but more like "Did they just write that!?", the resolutions to the commercial break cliffhangers can be wild and crazy at times, like when James West was clearly shot point blank in the chest several times, he explained it away saying "She wasn't that great of a shot"
9.) Anything else that makes you go "I don't believe I just saw that".
In this cynical age of blogs, iPods, and fax machines, its good to know that there is still mindless, violent entertainment out there that quenches all amusement thirsts.

News and Pre-Vues!

A couple announcements to begin: First of all, my thanks again to "Royal_Nonesuch" for the terribly terrific review of everyone's favorite Mr. T movie "Rocky III", and secondly, we here at Midnight Snack are once again trying to start up the DVD Audio Commentary Campaign (so far it is as hard to start up as heavily used T-34). Any suggestions or requests, (or petition to join in a commentary) are welcome.

Now, for the main event. The preview of upcoming Midnight Snack blog events.

Movies:

Kingdom of the Spiders---William Shatner stars in this delightfully dreadful 1977 cult classic. Shatner plays veterinarian Dr. Rack Hanson, a dashing ladies man of a vet who is called in to investigate the mysterious deaths of some local farm animals. After some basic observations by Hanson (he seems too distracted with his latest conquest to focus on the task at hand) it becomes obvious that the deaths are caused by Taranchula attacks. Before Rack can put two and two together, the town is overrun with 8 legged freaks! Another fine film by well loved B movie Director John "Bud" Cardos.

TV:

80's TV Sex Symbols


The 80's! Totally Awesome! Ah, the good old days, before the advent of the cell phone, or the internet, or video games with more than 8 colors. Other than cocaine abuse and Ronald Reagan, what says The 80's more than male TV sex symbols? Look out. No man (or mullet) is safe on this post. Royal_Nonesuch returns to compare, contrast, and condemn the stars of yesteryear.